Did you know:
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 1 in 5 women and 1 in 13 men report having been sexually abused as a child.
Globally, WHO has estimated that up to 1 billion children aged 2–17 years have experienced physical, sexual, or emotional violence or neglect in the past year.
Closer home, according to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), child abuse cases in India experienced a concerning 8.7% rise in 2022, totaling 162,000 incidents.
A report by Child Rights and You (CRY) reveals that sexual violence against children has seen a substantial increase of 96% from 2016 to 2022. In 2022 alone, reported cases of child rape and penetrative assaults reached 38,911, a significant rise from the 36,381 cases recorded in 2021.
Shocked? Dismayed? Aghast? And to think that these figures are only estimates and approximations simply because identifying and tracking child sexual abuse can be challenging for several reasons including but not limited to underreporting, lack of awareness, cultural and social factors, complexity of cases, and limited resources.
As a school counsellor with over 10 years of experience, two of my biggest responsibilities were facilitating Social and Emotional Learning (across different tiers) and being the Designated Child Protection Officer. This two-fold duty meant that on the one hand, I would have to proactively and preemptively teach and train students to differentiate between 'safe' and 'unsafe' touches, what personal space and body boundaries look, sound, and feel like, what consent is and why it's important, how to stand up for oneself, how to report abuse, how to be a good friend to someone who has been abused, and the list goes on. On the other hand, a large chunk of my day unfortunately involved filing, investigating, and addressing child safeguarding reports and concerns.
Here are some of my major observations from this kind of work that I've done over the years:
While most parents have conversations about this at home, some would rather have schools/teachers address this issue. Home is definitely where the conversations should begin. Schools receive your child probably at the age of 3-5, but abuse can take place even before they can learn anything about it at school.
Parents often aren't sure about the best age to start conversations about body safety and consent. The answer here is, that it's never too early, they're never too young to learn about this!
No matter their age, the concept of consent should be non-negotiable. Children need to feel empowered to stand up for themselves and to not do anything that they are not comfortable with, in terms of their body boundaries. Unfortunately, parents forcing their child to hug and kiss people the child is not comfortable doing this with sends an implicit message to the child that if it's a known/older person/relative, it's okay to break body safety rules. And why's this harmful? Because more often than not, perpetrators of child abuse are people known to the child, like relatives, household help, etc., – creating a dynamic where children are less likely to report abuse due to fear or a lack of understanding of what's happening.
Some children who do end up reporting abuse to school child protection authorities are fearful that their parents will not believe them, without necessarily having any evidence to support this fear. What does this imply? It is imperative for parents to keep the lines of communication open and to explicitly remind their children that their safety comes first and if anyone should come in the way of it, their child should not be afraid to tell them immediately and to remind their child that they may ask them some questions to gain clarity but they will ALWAYS believe them.
Quick tips to teach your kids about how to keep themselves safe:
Have Open Conversations with Your Child
Your children should feel comfortable discussing any topic with you, without fear of judgment or disbelief. Assure them of your trust and support, emphasising that you will believe them if they disclose any violations of their body safety rules.
Use Proper Terminology
Ensure your child is familiar with the correct anatomical terms for their body parts. This will facilitate open communication and accurate reporting in the unfortunate event of abuse.
Empower Your Child to Say "No"
Teach your child that they have the right to say "no" to any touch that makes them uncomfortable, even if it's from a relative. Emphasise that consent is a two-way street and that adults should respect a child's wishes regarding hugs or kisses.
Address Secrets and Surprises
Help your child differentiate between safe and unsafe secrets. Unsafe secrets, those that make them feel negative emotions, should be shared with you, regardless of any threats or pressure.
Be Vigilant
While stranger danger is a concern, it's equally important to be aware of potential threats from familiar individuals. Be cautious about who has access to your child and avoid leaving them unsupervised with adults you don't fully trust. Pay attention to any adults who seem overly interested in your child or offer excessive help.
Looking for simple but powerful ways to start/restart the body safety/consent conversation with your child in ways that resonate with them and don't cause unnecessary anxiety? Watch out for my next blog post in this series!
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